Eclectic Analyses From Orthogonal Viewpoints

Aw, come on, Slick! Get a grip. Making alcohol from corn is good for us. We’re going to get completely away from them money-sucking OPEC thieves! Haven’t you ever heard of the War on Terror, man? We’re going to dry up their cash streams and they can all go pound sand.

Look at who all we’re helping: The American farmer, who hasn’t seen good times like these since, well, maybe forever. The distilling industry. (And don’t tell me you don’t like a stiff nip now and again, I’ve seen your liquor shelf.) Okay, maybe helping the oil companies too, but you gotta take the good with the bad, my daddy always said.

Besides, we export lots of grain. Let’s keep that all here in the good ol’ U. S. of A. and put it in our cars. That’s gotta be a better use, don’tcha think?

And then there’s the whole environment thing you’re always raving about. This stuff is GOOD for the environment, man! Wake up and smell the whiskey! It captures that carbon stuff, and recycles everything. How’s that bad?

Look, the government did a good thing forcing us to start using alcohol. We were limpin’ along like a three-legged hippo with a toothache, worrying about what to burn next. Along comes the Feds and says, “Why not white lightning? I hear it’s got lots of kick, even in cars.” Well, okay; maybe not quite like that, but close. And bingo! Next thing you know, we’re burning the stuff like there’s no tomorrow. Good for us; you’ll see.

So we lose a little on food prices; they were always going up anyway. We have to start somewhere, might as well be our own people who benefit. So lay off them ethanol boys, they’re good people. They even sold me some nice stuff…

I’m Off to Check My Still…

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